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Procrastination gets a bad rap

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Stumble Upon [Nov. 4th, 2010|11:33 pm]
bilenski
<div style="width: 400; text-align: center; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;"><p style="margin-right: 0; margin-left: 0; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #7F0000;"><b>Rednecks</b><br>Circle I Limbo</p><p style="margin-right: 10; margin-left: 10; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #8F0000;"><b>Goths</b><br>Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind</p><p style="margin-right: 20; margin-left: 20; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #9F0000;"><b>Steve Jobs</b><br>Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow</p><p style="margin-right: 30; margin-left: 30; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #AF0000;"><b>Militant Vegans</b><br>Circle IV Rolling Weights</p><p style="margin-right: 40; margin-left: 40; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #BF0000;"><b>The New York Yankees</b><br>Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled</p><p style="border-style: solid none; border-color: black; background: white; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0;">River Styx</p><p style="margin-right: 50; margin-left: 50; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #CF0000;"><b>George Bush</b><br>Circle VI Buried for Eternity</p><p style="border-style: solid none; border-color: black; background: white; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0;">River Phlegyas</p><p style="margin-right: 60; margin-left: 60; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #DF0000;"><b>Creationists</b><br>Circle VII Burning Sands</p><p style="margin-right: 70; margin-left: 70; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #EF0000;"><b>General asshats</b><br>Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement</p><p style="margin-right: 80; margin-left: 80; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; background: #FF0000;"><b>NAMBLA Members</b><br>Circle IX Frozen in Ice</p><p><a href="http://www.gaydeceiver.com/misc/hell/" style="color: red;">Design your own hell</a></p></div>
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(no subject) [Apr. 26th, 2009|11:52 pm]
bilenski
Some kind of god rolled me a cigarette
and told me that suicide was ritualistic and highly common
because every time I open my mouth I kick myself in the teeth
I think maybe a slender death would slow me down
maybe that slick devil kicking my frontal lobe is right
maybe I should stop thinking so much and let some halos seize me.
My love is like a tattooed cross hair,
it's going to cost you a lot more to remove it
than what it took me to put it there
and though you tremble like you're bound for bullets
it's hard to shake.  It's hard to shake me.
Though I scare easy, it's hard for me to shake.
It's difficult to come to tears
I beg for them, I miss the way they taste sometimes,
but somebody took 'em out into the woods and shot 'em
I wonder if they had tears too
So I mechanize my depression
just like this cigarettes mother
All cogs and coping
Hydraulics and hoping
That the facade is a facade
and that which could not be real
is realized...

My brain is battling, it's sections are at war
I am handling it with smokes from god.
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It's 30/30 I figured I'll post something [Apr. 16th, 2009|02:13 pm]
bilenski
Well, I wrote a new song last night, it's waltzy and little heavy on the Clem Snide influence.  If you dig that description, you might dig the song.  Anyway, here's the lyrics it's called Wolf Bane Waltz:

Well the angels were ashin’ their cigarette butts

And stirrin’ up earthquake weather to shake off their shirts

Shuddering new islands from the coast of Maine

With new ocean orchids and seaweed wolfs bane

 

That we used for the sutures

To stitch our sinews

Hot like a basket

Full of old fruit

 

And the lamp shade’s in cahoots with the sofa

your starlight hips your quivering smile

Tonight I am melting in the west end of Oregon

With the shadowed corners of your folding bones

 

Home again Home again

In your breast plate

 

And the angels are comin’ up bubkis

Flabbergahst aghast by water like skin

While our muscles bloomed and exploded

And purple petals coated square blocks

 

How we loomed for a moment

To whisper goodbye

When a breeze bound for boston

Hugged us to heights  

 

Home again Home again

In your breast plate

 

And the angels were ashin’ their cigarettes

But now we never seem to mind it

Feel like subjecting your ears to it?  www.myspace.com/doesntrhymegood

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You think you earned anything I gave you? [Feb. 10th, 2009|06:25 pm]
bilenski
You still had the nerve to ask for more.
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Year end first sentence from each month gobbeldy gook [Jan. 1st, 2009|01:31 pm]
bilenski
January

My head is a boat that sails a river of guilt, recently I've become what women who do not care to understand would call an asshole.

February

I was going to write something artistic but then I was distracted so here's some bare bones.

March

I think that only god knows if there is no god
and maybe you know differently

April



May

Allow enough time for this sand to collect in your bones
and the rip tide will tear you under, that's for sure.

June

I WILL be playing a show on the 28th with Tom Morrello (of Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave) as the headliner.

July



August

This place is a sham, my belief system is unstructured and juvenile. I was supposed to do great things, everyone had said so, I'm beginning to think everyone had me figured wrong.

September

I am f'in terrified of airport operators from now on.

October

My anorexic shadow stands still in the doorway, it's knee bones bending in the floodlights no love above them keeping eight kisses in their feet for only the road.

November

Give me the ghost and act like you've earned it
send out your teeth in waves
my broken body was always met with meek apologies
but somehow you've found a way to hurt more stylishly.

December

Happiness waltzed in the door, like I knew it would.






2008 was an strange year.

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Happiness [Dec. 18th, 2008|06:38 pm]
bilenski
Waltzed in the door like I knew it would. Oh how it feels fine to prove people wrong for once. I'm glowing white enough to melt this New Hampshire blizzard as it hits.

Grab life by the throat or it will grab yours.
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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2008|01:42 pm]
bilenski
The wild north is wonderful, if not just a little wet. The fog comes through the trees like ghosts and tells me "no matter what happens, you still made the trip home." This place feels so welcoming, and I am happy to feel it's wooded arms again.
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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2008|07:00 pm]
bilenski
Give me the ghost and act like you've earned it
send out your teeth in waves
my broken body was always met with meek appologies
but somehow you've found a way to hurt more stylishly.
You see the door only opens so far before you trigger the spring
and the catch is that the release will be abrupt.

It must be cold up there on that pedastal
I keep my feet warm here in hell
but I've grown so fond of these like minded demons
so I guess you best find yourself an angel.
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2008|06:44 pm]
bilenski
I carried too much on my shoulders for too long, I am not going to fight for friends, I am not going to put myself out there. If you think I am a bad person for wanting something for myself, for wanting to move forward, if you want to call me selfish for this then I want to ask you where you were all the times I was the absolute antithesis. I have been too kind for far too long, I gave every bit of myself and if now that I need something back you want to call me the asshole, then so be it. Don't call me, write me, think of me if even one ounce of you ignorantly assumes that I am not an upstanding person.
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Call me the asshole [Oct. 26th, 2008|03:32 am]
bilenski
I made this decision for myself. Don't even pretend like I didn't deserve to make it, pretender, betrayer, backstabber, all of these adjectives directly applicable to yourself, do not point the finger without recognizing the three that point back. If they cannot see me through your death threats and cowardice than so be it, I refuse to be the crutch, I refuse to be the scape goat, I refuse to be the reusable needle. My promises were never appreciated so why keep pain to linger? Why accept love when none is reciprocated? Am I the monster? Look deep. Look deep and know that I am proper and standing upright, more well spoken and more deeply wronged, more righteous and less petty.

Tell your friends what you want, if they cannot see me through, then I do not need them.
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